Anchored to This Unreality

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[Music] my name is jason but who i am is not a parent living in the present moment is not a practice that i have mastered with my eyes i gaze upon a beautiful veil an inner haunting whispering that things i see are not as they pretend to be what is this insatiable curiosity why does my heart deny the evidence of my senses how did i become so disconnected from the synthetic associations i see all around me i meet another human and they instantly flee sensing a deviation they misunderstand they walk away not understanding that i looked at the structuring of their personality for i'm blind to the cultural dressings that mean so much to the living dead when i come in contact with other souls i see their guardedness the layers they have armored themselves within my own soul cries a lamentation of loneliness though i sit in a room full of spirits too busy being people a curse on this divinity my immortality has uncovered this vast gulf of what i am compared to what i want to be these traits of a god within that just seeks to be one of the herd but i don't fit in the magnitude of my understanding has hollowed my heart this engine that keeps me alive this undead machine that i'm trapped inside heavy is the head who wears the crown as an old saying it's not mine heavy is the heart who peers through the veil the weight of the past is impressed upon my soul this wearisome fortitude to share what others are prepared to receive while swallowing this asset of information i dare not convey sometimes i curse this god the scribe who has etched his revelations upon the gossamer fragility of my spirit as if i was strong enough to bear them i revolt against this peace the path that i have fought the insincerity in others fuels the furnace within me i betray myself every time i bite my tongue i try to be free of anger as i censure these puppets of a pretended reality who seem to have no purpose other than getting in my way i am a ghost dragging chains that i despise a phantom of what i want to be but seem to never become at this crossroads i stand at the river sticks looking back on a past i can't believe i survived in a future i don't want to endure not in these departments who i am can i be separated from who i strive to be but the distance between the two souls widens the more i strive to join one with the other though i am told i am alive the inner chords of a silent song within my soul sings to me otherwise i am a shadow unable to comprehend the light a corrupted vessel meant to hold something entirely else my name is jason but this is the name of a shell that enshrines a thing i can't define i am me though what i am is still unknown to me clinging to the lies i thought were truths that i've often sought they curse on this treacherous curiosity i study myself my environment and those other souls that sail the simulated sea i search and notice how unreal are my experiences that i am most alive in my moments of solitude my silent time spent with myself when i focus on something i'm alive but when i begin to study the world around me one of two things happens my mind drifts back through time to the past and i relive memories or i am thrust far into the future by the fertility of my imagination both are just as real to me as many of my moments spent in this false reality though i am more than i suppose myself to be the potential i acquire in the day is erased by this submillicone when i sleep no matter my gains this nervous system anchors me to a sea i no longer want to swim but i cling to this buoy adrift in this abyss unable to let go and sink into the comfortable deep until i know for sure that i have reached every soul i was meant to touch i'm ready to go but my life is not my own i yearn for what my potential for shadows eager to be more than i become while weighed down by the knowledge i know that in this life it won't come to pass break free or die trying my friends